What he lost
by Granad
Summary: Echizen isn't living the life he dreamed of. When he has to take care of an old rival, will his dreams change? Looks like life has just become an emotional roller coaster. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

* * *

This is a short story done in Echizen's point of view. It's ongoing and weird -well... it was weird for me to write. It also wasn't beta'd so...

* * *

I was standing at the crossing, waiting for the light to turn green when the weirdest thing happened. This guy who was standing right next to me took a step while the light was still red and I'm pretty sure he would have kept going and gotten hit by a car or something because he looked at me in surprise and then his face just went blank.

No, no –he didn't pass out. I wouldn't have been able to handle his weight and he might have fallen in the road and gotten hit anyway. His eyes just went blank –like he wasn't home anymore. Then some dude just came and pulled him away. The blank eyes just kept staring at me even as he was being dragged towards a café which he must have been escaping. That's my theory anyway; I've never liked their hot chocolate.

So, that was weird right?

Yeah, you think so? Wrong! Not as weird as leaving my flat to go to work and finding 'blank eyes' staring at my building like a zombie –not the hungry ones… just –you know what I mean. I obviously ignored him which he didn't seem to mind because he's been following me since.

I join the throng of people entering the train station and I think he's finally left me alone until I see, from behind the train doors, his head turning one way and then the other and his hands fisting in his hair as he's led away by the same man from yesterday. I almost feel bad for him.

I get to work and try to avoid as many people as possible as I head to the locker rooms to change into my 'work clothes'.

Now before you misunderstand, listen to what I'm about to tell you. I used to be a big deal in middle school –I was a prodigy and all that but not all prodigies live up to their potential. I'm not one of those –I am the idiot who burned through his potential. Long story short, by the time I was getting out of high school, my tennis was average.

Don't pity me –at least not yet; I am a tennis coach at a reputable club in Tokyo… my dad got me the job. Yeah, you can pity me all you want now. It pays good but teaching people the one thing I'm not the best at anymore is not my idea of fun. I have heard that it's not work if you're enjoying it so…

I pray all my clients cancel like they usually do

0

There must have been someone doing his job right because my morning of fervent prayer paid off and they both cancelled. My afternoon off didn't get cancelled either so it was a double win for me.

And what do I do on my day off?

I used to spend all my time at my flat because I still couldn't believe I'd actually moved out of my father's house but that's getting old so I head off to the park and eat a sandwich as I sit on a bench and watch the people rushing back to work. I feel good because I don't have to.

I guess it's no surprise when 'blank eyes' sits beside me on the bench –I had expected him to show up at the club. He's staring at my sandwich and I place it before his mouth but before he can take a bite, my hand is being shoved away by 'the man' who seems to materialize out of thin air.

"The young master might be allergic" he says

I just shrug and continue eating my sandwich. 'Blank eyes' is not happy and he whimpers for a while. I ignore him –I don't like dogs. There is movement out of the corner of my eye and a weight begins to settle in my lap. I am off that bench like I've been burned. This time, he cries and as the man leads him away, I turn and hurry to my flat.

I hope no one saw. I made a grown man cry. What is wrong with me?

0

I'm grumpy –I barely slept all night and no, I wasn't agonizing over making a grown man cry though how 'grown' he is can be brought into question by the fact that he's not 'all there'.

I get on the street and he's there, just like yesterday. If he wasn't so… you know, I'd think he was a stalker… with like a bodyguard type caretaker. I ignore both of them and begin the trek to the train station.

Something warm tickles the palm of my right hand and I pull it away. After a while, it happens again and this time I spin around and my left fist flies towards the offender's face. I find his arms already shielding his head which is turned away. I lower my fist and resume walking.

I think some people put a little more sugar in their tea or cereal or coffee than others and he's one of them. Someone probably does it for him though. Sugar must be the reason he's dumb enough to take my hand in both of his and I sharply turn my head to tell him off but-

Say, have you ever scratched under a cat's chin until it was cross-eyed with pleasure –the feeling that gave you, like you were the center of that cat's world… this doesn't sound right…

The smile on his face –I just can't snap at him. He is the cat and I am scratching under his chin

We walk like that until we get to the train station, my hand cradled between his. There are many people and we are quickly jostled apart. His anguished face from yesterday flashes in my mind and a quick search finds him a few paces away, already tugging at his hair.

"You'll make it come loose," I chastise and take his hand again. He clings to my hand as hard as he can this time; I can tell –my hand is going numb.

I don't know why but I take him to work. I quickly find out it's my last day of work. No, I don't get fired. I get a new job


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

****I usually label it a chapter when I'm tired of writing and want to put what I've written up so this 'chapter' is really long. I worked on it all weekend. It's also unbetad

* * *

So, I got a new job but you already knew that. I was sick of the club and teaching people a sport most of them were not really interested in. I found this millionaire-type guy waiting for me when I got to the club and he explained that he was 'blank eyes' father. I was in shock

Apparently, his name is not 'blank eyes' either but you've already guessed who this weird guy is. He used to have silver hair, blue eyes and a mole under his right eye –that's all gone now. His hair is a very light brown and it's shaggy and un-perfect. It's so different. His eyes are brown too and I guess they removed the mole.

His dad is paying me lots of money to look after him- way more than the club was paying. My only problem at the time I agreed to take the job was that the old man said I was to be 'blank eyes' companion and fulfill all his needs.

Now, I don't know what this 'fulfillment' would entail so I made it clear that I was keeping my flat and would continue to sleep there. 'Blank eyes' wanted me to sleep over the first night, or at least that's what I thought because he wouldn't let my hand go even when he fell asleep. Since there is no way I was going to help him with his 'morning business', I got out of there as fast as I could.

But tonight I'm so tired that I just might sleep here. He's over by the window staring out. I want him to get into bed so I can go home but I'm too tired to move. He seems to like walking and we walked everywhere today. My legs hurt but I'd best get used to it. I should just call him to bed.

"Keigo"

He turns so fast and his eyes flash with something –I'm not an eye reader. I shrink back and watch his eyes fade back to their usual blankness. He takes a step forward, looking unsure and I hold out my hand to him. Like a cat, he comes to me and curls up on my lap. This time, I let him –I'm getting paid for this after all.

I call out both his first and last name several times but he does not respond to me. One of the maids said he talks to his mother but I haven't seen her since I started work. She's in Europe shopping. That is the most retarded thing I've heard this week.

I keep repeating his name as I stroke his hair back. He eventually falls asleep and I change him out of his clothes. They're his favorites and he'll want to wear them again tomorrow. It's not very hygienic but apparently he throws a fit when he can't wear them so I just let him.

I can't blame him either because his other clothes are… well, you can imagine. He used to dress like a turkey in middle school; it's probably a good thing his favorite clothes are cool. I should take him shopping tomorrow –his dad won't mind.

He gave me a credit card when I accepted the job. I think he meant for me to use it.

I'm so tired. The temptation to fall asleep next to my job is almost too much but I hold off. I accept the offer of a ride from the driver –you remember him, the man that shows up when 'blank eyes' is in trouble. I think I stole his job.

I collapse in my bed with my clothes on.

0

I wake up confused. My bed has never felt like this. I turn and find 'blank eyes' staring at me in what I think is confusion. He blinks like he's just realized it's me. I rub his head and like a cat, he leans into my touch and closes his eyes. He looks happy.

I'm embarrassed about waking up on his bed –of course I am. I thought I'd gone home though I should have known it was a dream by how nice 'the man' was being to me.

I don't realize how close he has got until I feel his breath on the side of my face. I am off the bed like I would be out of stinky trainers –super fast. He's whining again. I'm not paid enough for cuddling or whatever he wanted to do so I take his hand and lead him to the bathroom.

I leave him in there and pray there is enough grey matter left for him to go through his morning rituals alone. I wait and worry as five minutes turn into an hour…and a half –then I'm in there wondering what is wrong. Would you believe that Atobe Keigo who believed he was the king of the world five years ago was in the tub playing with a rubber duck? I bet he was doing it the whole time.

I don't bother getting mad. The water is probably cold and if he stays in there he might fall sick. I can't have him falling sick –he'd be so annoying. So I get him out of the water and into the shower and turn the water to hot. I get in with him when he starts making strange noises. Then I realize he's gurgling and I am already wet so I deal with it.

He's bundled up in a white fluffy towel and standing around before I worry about what to do about my soaked clothes.

0

We are walking to my parents' house at about midday –he just finished breakfast and pissed me off all throughout the meal so I don't let him hold my hand or even walk beside me. It's mean but I'm not happy either so… I am wearing his ugly clothes! They make me look stupid.

When he's so far behind that I can't hear his whining, I turn and wait for him to catch up. His hair really will come out if he doesn't do something about that habit. Tears are streaking down his face and I feel bad. He doesn't try to touch me when he's close –it's unnatural. I pull him closer and hug him to me. It is uncomfortable because he's taller; his hair tickles.

I think he gets snot on my shirt but it's his shirt and I'm going to be rid of it in a while so no sweat. I pat his hair until he calms down then I drag him off to my childhood home, just around the corner.

The first shock I get is that my mother is at home. She is always in America and it bothers me that she is here. She is fussing over me until she notices 'blank eyes' and starts asking me what I did to make him cry. I don't know what she thinks he is to me and I don't want to know.

I pretend to go look for dad. I am looking through a box of clothes in my old bedroom when Keigo comes in practically panicking. I am half-dressed and have half a mind to tell him to get out but he is beside himself. I don't know why I let him hug me –I hope it's not his new thing.

He is shaking and I worry. I get him to sit down and hold him closer, rubbing his back until he's almost back to normal. He falls asleep. I wonder what time we'll get to the shopping as I lay him on the bed.

I am talking to my mom later, in my comfortable clothes, when she asks me what is wrong with him. I just tell her what I know. He was involved in an accident and he just wasn't the same after it. She has lots of questions and I cannot answer all of them. Just talking about it makes me realize Atobe's life sucks. More than mine

I go check on him and find he's wearing about five shirts from my box –one over the other. It's sort of funny.

"Keigo," I call out while trying not to laugh

He recognizes his name and smiles at me. It is so sweet. I help him out of the extra t-shirts. He won't give back the striped one -I let him keep it. Then I take him shopping and let him pick whatever he wants. He creates a mess in the store but we find some things he likes and that's all we set out to do so my job is done for the day.

I take him back home. His mother is back. I won't be needed tomorrow.

I sleep in my bed at night.

000

I went to the mansion this morning and 'the man' took pleasure in telling me that I wasn't needed for the day –again. I got pissed and told him to tell my boss to call me when he did need me to do my job. I didn't say it as nicely. I don't really know why I was pissed either; probably coming all the way over for no reason.

I saw 'blank eyes' two days later. He was outside when I came out to get groceries from the convenience store. Scared me for a second –he didn't smile or come to me so I ignored him. No one had called me so I wasn't on the job right then.

He followed at a distance both ways but didn't come up the stairs. I put away the groceries and went down to pick him. He was staring at the building again. I held his hand and led him to my apartment, telling him he could always find me there –just to knock. I led him to the sofa and watched him look around.

He was being weird; not a sound from his lips. It worried me. I knelt before him and hugged him. He didn't respond. I called his name as I rocked him from side to side but he was deeper than I had seen him before. I left him alone. He didn't feel like a cat anymore.

I headed to the kitchen and got lunch ready. I ate in the kitchen and ventured out with a bowl for my ward if he was hungry. He was still on the sofa but what he was doing puzzled me… until I realized he was hugging the memory of me back. I ruffled his hair and made him eat the food.

We spent the afternoon watching the television –well, I watched and he stared at me and poked me at random times. I let him have his fun. He fell asleep later and when he woke up, I brought him home.

That's where I am right now –at his home, getting an earful from his mother who I am meeting for the first time. She says he run away and judging from how hard he is tugging at my arm to get me to follow him to wherever, I can believe it. She just doesn't shut up.

"I have to get him to bed so if you would excuse me"

I just cut her off mid-speech. She is not happy but she lets me go with her son. She probably loves him and is stumped about what to do with him. I would tell her but that's not my job. My job is to do what she cannot –be everything Keigo could ever need.

I don't think I was ready for this job.

Chapter four

I am not sure whether it was guilt but his mother was waiting for me in the 'tea room' when I got there the next day. She wanted to show me her son's photo albums. There were a lot of them. Before we got to the teenage albums, Keigo was tugging on my hand insistently. I made him sit on the floor and place his head in my lap. His mother said nothing.

He hugged my leg and I finger combed his hair until we got to the last album. It had pictures of the family at the ski resort and then one picture of Keigo as he is now. I asked a question and she reluctantly gave me the answer.

Where were his friends? They had taken him abroad for the treatment and after he turned out like he was, they had him stay there as they tried to find a way to fix him. When he was brought back to Japan, they visited once but Keigo reacted so badly and they were asked not to return.

"He could use the attention now," I said and we lapsed into silence. Seeing pictures of him while he still had it had stirred something in me. I still thought his pants were ugly back then but his life used to be full of more than just walking around aimlessly all day.

0

We were sitting in the park the next day and I wondered not for the first time, why I was doing this. It wasn't part of my job. Keigo sat beside me and stared into space. He was being very independent –hadn't clung to me even once. Such a relief

I saw the man I was expecting approach. He still wore the glasses though they were smaller rectangular ones. His mouth was pulled into a frown as he approached and his eyes did not stray to where Keigo was seated beside me on the park bench.

"Why did you want to see me?" He was being cold. He was being a douche

"Keigo wanted to see you," I lied. He didn't believe me. No wonder he became a lawyer; he read through bullshit a little too easily.

"Yuuuuuuuu…shi"

His eyes turned away from me for the first time. The sound came again. "Yuuuuuu…shi"

"Keigo"

I was jealous when he knelt before my ward and his touch wasn't rejected. Keigo repeated the strange sound again then he blanked out. The man I'd only known as Oshitari was holding onto Keigo's hands and trying to get his attention but no one was home anymore.

"He said my name," 'spects' marveled turning to me. "He remembers me."

I didn't think it was all that great but that's just me. That 'blank eyes' had the spoke and called out this guy's name was pissing me off. Never mind that this Yuushi guy had been his best friend for years before the accident, I had been looking after him for just over a month. He could have said at least one word to me by now.

I got up and 'blank eyes' did the same, probably out of habit. He began to fidget when 'spects' wouldn't let go of his hands.

"We have to be going," I mumbled and separated their hands. 'Blank eyes' clung to me. I guess that bout of independence was gone now.

"Please wait." 'Spects' was following us. "If I spend more time with him, he might remember more."

"You know where he lives"

0

'Spects' hasn't come to visit yet and it's been a few days since the park. I didn't think he would. We spent the day by the pool –Keigo loves to swim. I just sat around and watched him have fun, swimming and splashing. He was really tired when I put him to bed.

I don't know whether visiting his other friends will be a good idea. I don't know if I am enough for him. And I don't want to think about what will happen if I have to leave this job for any reason. I am not paid to worry about him like this.

I dream that he doesn't know my name. I wake up confused. The park incident must have messed me up. For some reason, I tell him my name when i see him. He doesn't react –I don't know what I expected. That's a lie; I do know and I'm disappointed.

His mother tells me that she will be taking Keigo on vacation for three months –Tokyo is too cold for him. I won't be going. They don't need me so I can have my own little vacation. The thought doesn't make me happy.

I am watching him like it's the last time all through the week. He's being independent again. I wish he wasn't. I think I need a hug.

I don't see them off. I invite Momo for drinks.

0

"You need to go out," Momo says as he enters my apartment. It's really clean since I have nothing to do –my work is on vacation.

"I go out all the time."

"On a date," he clarifies and I feel my brows furrow in annoyance. "If only you could find a woman who meets your high standards and could stand you, I would pay for the first date myself."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I murmur and get two beers from the fridge. I pass one to him and recline on the couch.

"So, what's up?"

I grunt and shake my head as I empty the can and go back to the kitchen. This time, I bring two six-packs.

"Are you trying to get drunk?" he asks as he sips his beer leisurely.

"I'm officially on holiday so I can do what I want"

"You're missing him that bad," he comments and I don't bother to answer. We just drink in silence until he brings up Japan's top seeded tennis player. I can't help but think that it could have been Atobe or me and not my former captain.

Momo talks a lot –I remember that as he shares his theories on Tezuka's future and consequently the future of tennis. I'm not that interested. I wish I could leave all that tennis stuff in the past but my friends are in love with the past so that is a little hard.

At some point he leaves and I continue drinking until I pass out on the couch.

I wake up with the mother of all hung-overs. I vow not to drink again.

I am staring at the box of milk when I get a brilliant idea. I collect all the empty boxes I can find and grab a roll of tape. I push the sofa to the far wall and move the other furniture to my bedroom. I have space to build a mini city.

I don't do anything fancy; just use tape to mark the roads and put the boxes in the empty lots. Then the real work begins. I print pictures off the internet and wrap the boxes with them. I buy small people and animal figures from the toy store. I also buy lots of tiny cars. It takes me a week to finish the city.

I sit in the sofa and look at my city. They won't be back for another two months and two weeks. I print pictures of buildings and wrap the buildings with those. I cut out the windows and doors where they are supposed to be. I take my time.

In two weeks I'm done with this. Before I can come up with something else, I leave the apartment and spend the day in the park. That is not a good idea. I compare my little city to Tokyo and for the next one and a half months, I am working on my city of boxes. When I am done, there are signs and billboards, street lights, two parks, and the city has a name.

Momo passes by and insists I need to go out when he sees the city. We drink beer on my sofa and stare at it.

"I'm going to set you up with someone," he promises. I don't care to answer. This is the most productive I've been in years.

They will be back in one week and I'm getting restless. I spend every day in the park.

On the day they are set to return, I am up with the sun. I get to the mansion just after eleven and head up to his room. I lie on the bed and wait. It's at least four hours before the house is stirring with the news of their return. I just lie there and wait.

The door opens and I sit up. He doesn't come in –just stares at me. I am beginning to think he has forgotten me then he takes one step inside. I watch him come to me. He sits beside me and hesitantly clutches onto my shirt. If I didn't know better I'd think he was being shy. I ruffle his hair and he starts to cry.

I pull him into an embrace as sobs wrack his body. He's all out crying now –with proper sound effects. The driver guy brings in the suitcases and his mother comes to check on Keigo. He's still clinging to me but crying more quietly now;she leaves us alone.

I play with his hair until he goes to sleep. He looks tired. I wonder what he did on holiday.

After dinner, I can't get myself to leave him. He doesn't fall asleep when I put him to bed; he stares at the ceiling for a long time and I finally can't take it anymore.

"Go to sleep"

He turns and smiles at me. Now he's staring at me.

"What do you see?" I ask even though I know he won't answer. I am right. I wonder what it will take to get him to talk to me. I fall asleep wondering.

0

I take him to my place to see the city. He seems to like it; sits right in the middle, destroying five buildings in the process. I laugh. Took three months to build and he destroys half of it in less than an hour.

"Woof," he barks and holds out a cat to me. I am offended –I don't like dogs.

"That's a cat," I correct.

"Woof," he repeats and waves the cat around.

"It's a cat no matter what you say"

"Meeee..ow," he tries again and I give him a thumbs up. He continues doing whatever it is he's doing. He takes the cat on a trek around the area and at some point I hear him say 'Yuushi'. That ruins it for me a little bit but I suck it up. I should call the guy and let them bond –if they can.

Keigo eventually gets bored with the city and I take him out. I call 'spects' and ask him to meet us at a café I like. Keigo eats a donut as we wait. I have a burger.

'Spects' finally shows up and Keigo takes my hand under the table. I don't know what he's afraid of. Maybe he's just nervous. He smiles as the lawyer takes a seat.

"Hello Echizen," he greets politely then turns to Keigo who is smiling his way. "How have you been Keigo?"

"Yuushi"

"Yes, that's me."

I wonder how this is supposed to work. This is only the third time I've heard him speak so I cannot decipher the meaning behind the words he chooses to say. I can tell that 'spects' will get frustrated really fast if he keeps trying to make sense of it.

"Yuushi meee..ow"

'Spects' looks confused and I share some advice with him.

"Just talk to him like normal."

"Does he understand what I'm saying though," he asks me like I'm an expert. I don't really know whether he understands all of it but a lot more of him is there today.

"He'll understand today"

Keigo turns points at me and makes the cat sounds.

"I'm not the cat here –you are"

"Meeeow!" he sounds emphatically and pokes me.

"Keigo is the cat," I explain to him. There's no way I am going to be labeled a cat, not with the way he was making the toy do all kinds of unexplainable things.

He turns to 'spects' and points in my direction. The bastard declares me a cat with a stupid smile on his face. Keigo laughs happily –it's so pure.

"Ryoma is my cat," he says clearly and I'm stunned. He knows my name and he can speak so clearly. I thought he only spoke like a child. I immediately worry that he'll blank out at any moment –like the time he spoke at the park.

"Keigo, I've missed you," Mr. Lawyer breaks into my thoughts.

"But Yuushi does not visit me," he complains with a sad smile. "Only Ryoma visits me."

"I'm sorry."

"Where are Choutaro and Ryou and Kabaji and Gakuto and…." He trails off as he loses steam and I think it has finally happened but he turns to me and asks for another donut.

I leave them and go buy his donut. I get three in case he wants more than one. They are talking animatedly when I get back. His speech is slower than average but it is not childish. I wonder what other assumptions I made that are wrong. I should ask his mother.

They talk for a long time and I am lost in thought. I snap out of it when 'spects' gets up to leave. He promises to get the group together so they can visit. Keigo thanks him and finishes the last donut.

"Where are we going?" he asks me as we walk aimlessly.

"Wherever you want"

"I want to see mother"

"Okay"

I take him home and he hurries off to the tea room. I follow him and confirm that he's with his mother before I leave them. I go home. I don't know what to think or feel.

He thinks I'm a cat; his cat. He thinks of me as a pet. I don't know how to feel about that.

0

I am led to see his mother before I can go find him the next morning. She is displeased with some of the things I've done.

"You might have good intentions," she tells me, "but Keigo is not always like he was yesterday. Yesterday was a very good day for him and I don't want you to cling to false hopes that every day can be like that. I also don't want people to enter his life with high expectations then leave him when they are not met –do you understand what I am saying?"

"They are his friends and they make him happy –they can help him feel less lonely," I argue. She didn't see him laugh yesterday. Even I cannot get him to do that.

"That was years ago –they do not know him now and will get tired of waiting for him to have a good day so they can actually have a conversation." I can see why she would worry. "He might not even remember yesterday when they meet again."

"He just looked so happy," I say. "I want him to be happy all the time."

"Then just do your job."

I leave her and search for Keigo. I find him staring out of the window in his room. He doesn't turn when I come in. He pulls away when I touch him. I sit on the bed and watch him watch the world outside. I call to him and he doesn't respond.

I go home.

It feels like the worst day of my life.

I get a box and put away the city bit by bit. I put the furniture back in place and try not to think about what my job is doing to me emotionally.

0

When I go to the mansion the next morning, I am led to the library to speak with the senior Atobe. He's not happy that I left his son by himself the day before. He asks me whether I want to quit. I can't bring myself to say 'yes' though I want to. He tells me that Keigo didn't move at all and wouldn't let anyone near him. He asks me to take my job more seriously.

I go to Keigo's room afterwards and just like yesterday, he won't let me touch him. He moves away when I get close. I'm not having it –this is my job; to accept him as he is and treat him the same every day whether it's a good day or a bad one. It's my job to love him unconditionally. To be his friend

That's what I think. I force him into a hug which ends up being a bad idea. He hits me as he flails about, trying to get out of my arms. Then he bites my shoulder with all his strength. It really hurts but I don't let go. He whines pathetically but I still don't let go.

I tell him what I've discovered. I tell him that I'll do my job for as long as I am alive. I will be his friend and love him unconditionally forever. I don't think he understands but that's alright.

He's still whining as I lead him to the bed and lay him down. He curls up and begins rocking. I pet his head. He falls asleep and a tear courses down his face. I remorsefully wipe it away. I made him cry again.

000

The next two months are hell. I am barely hanging onto my sanity. Some days he gets so mad or frustrated or… whatever it is that makes him so violent and he will bite me until I want to throw in the towel. Then I remember I made a promise and I can't break it.

I go home exhausted every night, my body a catalogue of bruises.

I go back to work every morning to receive more torture from my ward. He starts to lose weight because getting him to eat next to impossible. Sometimes I leave the food behind and return after an hour. Some days he eats and on others he ignores the food.

I am at my wits end one evening and I cry. I cry so hard that my eyes are almost swollen shut the next day. I redouble my efforts to get him to do something –eat, smile, swim, walk …anything. He doesn't want to move away from that window though.

His mother went shopping again and I'm told his father is too busy to see me. It feels like I'm the only one who cares. And I don't know what to do

I start feeding him in his sleep; just milk through a baby bottle. I'd like to think it's helping but I cannot be so sure. I have to sleep in the mansion to do that though.

One morning, I go to his room and he's full of energy. He hugs me and I flinch because his touch is associated with pain now. I don't think he notices. I am wary all day as I take him to the park and have him eat a full meal. By the end of the day, I am reassured that he's back to 'normal'.

It's all gone the next day and he's back to being the Keigo I don't like. I am about ready to give up. I force him to go out with me. He is alternately screaming and biting me all the way. When we get to the poolside though, he quiets down. I make him sit by the water, take off his shoes and adjust his pants so he can dangle his feet in the water.

If he's not going to do anything, he might as well get some sun while he does it. I bring him strawberries and he eats them automatically. I know he likes them from one of the pictures I saw in the albums. The pool and strawberries go together.

The maids have been giving me weird looks. I don't care. I wear my bite marks with pride. And Keigo eventually calms down when I force him to go somewhere else in the mansion. It's going to be his one day anyway.

A few days after the pool incident, I wake up to find Keigo staring at my face. I haven't slept on his bed again since that first embarrassing incident so I don't know what he's doing here.

"What's wrong Keigo?"

He looks at my arm which is sporting the latest bite mark –he gave it to me just last night. I ruffle his hair and get out of bed.

"Sorry," I hear as I walk into the bathroom.

"I don't mind," I tell him and it's true. "Why don't you go to the tea room and eat something?"

He doesn't answer; just gets up and goes.

I take a quick shower and hurry downstairs. I want to enjoy him for as long as he will remain like this. The thought of calling Mr. Lawyer to set up a meeting with his other friends crosses my mind but I push it away. If he's fine tomorrow, maybe I will consider it.

I find him drinking tea and eating cake.

"You need to eat something more wholesome –you haven't been eating regularly."

"I am not hungry," he mumbles and the maid just coming into the room drops the tray she's carrying. "I want to see Yuushi," he demands, completely ignoring the maid.

"I will call him after breakfast" I am not pleased. I know it is jealousy –I wanted to spend the day with him; just him.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No" I don't say anymore because I might actually be mad at him.

"Why are you always here?" he asks me and I frown. How do I explain this?

"It's my job to make sure you don't want for anything"

"You became a nurse," he concludes

"No" I stuff bacon in my mouth so I don't have to talk again for a while. He studies me as I eat. I don't like the way he looks at me when his eyes are so clear. I prefer 'blank eyes' at times like these. He's so calculating right now.

I don't finish my breakfast. I escape and call Oshitari. He says he'll call back when he's confirmed who can get away and where we can meet. I tell him to just bring them to the mansion. If anything happens, Keigo will be close to his sanctuary.

I thought I wanted to spend the day with him but now I'm not so sure. I hide in the room I've been using. I'm packing my things. In case he's still okay tomorrow, I can go back to my place.

"Why did you accept the job when you obviously don't like me?" he asks from the door. I didn't hear it open and it startles me. He is waiting for an answer.

"Because you're my cat." I keep packing so I don't have to look into his eyes. "I love cats"

"But I'm not your cat today," he reminds me. "That's why you're mad. You want me to spend the day with you and not Yuushi."

"No I don't"

"You did until you realized I was normal today," he says confidently. "And now you're packing. You're going to leave me as soon as he gets here."

"No I'm not," I snap. He doesn't know me. He has no right to wake up and start making assumptions about me. I look into his eyes and tell it to him straight. "I'm never leaving you because we will be friends forever." He looks skeptical. "I will love you unconditionally forever –I thought I told you that."

He looks away and I'm afraid I've broken him again.

"I wonder how long until you change your mind"

He looks into my eyes again and I can tell he believes what he's saying. He thinks I will get tired and leave. I can't blame him. The last two months had been difficult and I had almost given up so many times. I wonder if he can see it.

"Give me reason to never go back on my word," I challenge and he laughs. It's not pure or innocent but it's from his heart. I can tell. He thinks I'm being funny.

"Let me think about it"

He leaves and I'm torn. I just vowed to stay forever. I will never be able to face him if I waver in my decision. If only I could have him back as 'blank eyes' just for a while. I need to know he needs me and he'll never show me as he is right now.

I feel evil for thinking it. It's not right to wish that on him. I look at the bruise forming on my arm and decide that if I could ignore his wishes and act in his interests before, I can do it now and forever as well. What he says doesn't matter. This is my job and I love it... some of the time.

0

I find them outside cackling like hyenas. There are only four of them: Atobe, Oshitari, a redhead and ponytail. They fall silent when I approach.

"What do you want for lunch?" I ask him

"It's too early for lunch," he complains like a spoiled teenage brat.

"Keigo," I say warningly and his eyes flash.

"Don't call me that"

"Will you be eating here or going out?" I continue like he hasn't spoken

"We'll figure it out," he snaps. "I'm not a child"

"I will be going home for a while then," I get out. This is not how I saw the day going. "I will see you tomorrow."

I leave them and go collect my bag. The 'tray maid' smiles as she passes by me. I ignore her. I just want to get home and bury myself under the covers. As I head get to the main door, the lawyer comes up to me and apologizes for his friend –my ward.

"I will take good care of him," he promises with a smile. I don't trust him. It's probably the jealousy but it doesn't matter at the moment.

"If anything happens to him, you and your friends will never come within ten feet of him again and I don't care how long you've been friends, I will kick your ass."

I open the door and slam it shut behind me before he can reply.

I go to my flat and do as I planned. I bury myself under the covers and cry myself to sleep.

0

I wake up and my dad is in my apartment watching television. I don't know how he got in but I didn't want him to see me like this. Too late for that though

"You look good," he says sarcastically

"Thanks dad –kick me while I'm down" I head to the kitchen and he shouts that he brought me some food. I wonder how he knew when to come. I ask and apparently, he made friends with the superintendent. Smart

"I don't know about this job," he tells me as I sit down to eat. He's never been one to confront me when he was worried about me. He'd just do something about it and I'd find out when it was too late. "You're not looking after yourself"

"I'm fine," I reassure and we watch a game-show together. He leaves eventually and I call Oshitari out of worry. They are still at the mansion though they are about to leave. I hear Keigo ask for the phone and hang up. I turn my phone off. I don't know what he'd say but I'm not ready to hear it.

He comes over. It's late –for him anyway; _he should be in bed_, I think as I stare at him standing in my doorway.

"Why did you come so late?"

"It's not even nine yet and you hang up on me"

"You should go home," I say and try to close the door.

"I accept it," he says as he barges in. I don't understand. "I accept your promise and I will hold you to it forever."

"Oh"

"Is that not the answer you wanted?" he asks as he looks around. "Why don't you come live in the mansion?"

"Sometimes you're too clingy"

"I thought you liked that," he frowns. "I thought that clingy brainless idiot is your favorite."

"Don't talk like that," I gasp and walk up to him. His eyes are assessing but they're already beginning to dim. I regret so much; I regret wasting a day with him. "You're my cat." I reach up and ruffle his hair. "I love you when you're being sweet, when you're irritated and scratch everything, and even when you're being a prissy bastard like right now."

"I'm not a cat," he pouts. We are silent for a while, just staring at one another. "I can feel myself fading away"

"I will be waiting for your return," I promise.

"Let's spend the day together next time –just the two of us."

I hug him to me and I regret.

"It's okay," he comforts me and I realize I'm crying. I try to convince myself this is not happening.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own prince of tennis**

To the anonymous reviewer, I don't really write for the reviews. I want to get good at it and they say the only way is to 'just do it'. I was doing a lot of 'just do it' with this chapter. I can't seem to do that with the other story though...

* * *

Sometimes I don't believe how dumb I am. It was seven months before I saw Atobe Keigo again –the original one I mean. Keigo was happy most of the time then he'd just seem to go crazy. I wouldn't let anyone else go near him when he was like that –they might hurt him or try to put him to sleep. I calmed him down myself and even though he didn't want to be close to me, that he would try to be calm for me made me feel special.

Just as I had promised, I came to love him. Oh it was easier to love the cuddly and innocent side of him because I wasn't in pain most of the time when he was that way but I came to love the other more volatile side as well. He was my cat.

He put a wrench in all that when we were in Hokkaido for the week –yes, I got to go as well. So he comes out of it and the first thing he says to me is 'Where's Yuushi? I have to talk to him'.

I was so mad –I snapped so hard that I left them there. I left him at their Hokkaido home with his mother and came back to Tokyo. I wouldn't take any calls or see anyone for close to a week. His dad got angry and fired me.

After not seeing him for two weeks I was a mess. I couldn't sleep because I was worrying about him. I set up the city again and stared at it. I didn't know what to do. So I went back to the mansion to beg his mother for my job back. It was just my luck that Atobe senior was home as well.

They didn't want to see me or listen to me. It scared me –the way they looked at me.

"I need him," I cried as they had the driver lead me out. The next month was the hardest of my life. I spent my time in my apartment –looking out the window at life passing by because I could afford to be unemployed.

0

Keigo appeared at my door unexpectedly one evening. Before he could move, I pulled him into my arms and clung to him. I had missed him so much and he was here now. I should have called his parents or tried to send him home but instead I took him to my room and lay down on the bed with him at my side. I snuggled up to him and fell asleep.

I woke up warm and well rested for the first time in a while. That feeling of euphoria soon turned to panic as I felt Keigo's hand brush through my hair. He never did that.

"Atobe?" I whispered and burrowed under the covers.

"Good to see you're awake," he drawled and the mattress shifted as his weight left the bed. I peeked out at him but he was nowhere to be seen. I cautiously got out of bed and after quickly washing up, followed into the living area which was empty. I found him in the kitchen looking through the counter.

"What are you looking for?"

He grunted and gave up on whatever he was doing and turned to me. "I'm here to negotiate the terms of your new contract."

"New contract?" I repeated after him. I hadn't heard of this 'new contract' so it was understandable.

"You left me," he accused. "You said you be with me forever but you left… and got fired." I stood silently and let the weight of his words crush the high I'd woken up on. "I am here to offer you your job back, with some conditions of course."

"What conditions?" I croaked

"You have to live with me"

And that's where I am right now. Live with him?

I think about it. It doesn't take long to come to my decision but it is difficult getting it past my lips. "I can't stay in that house."

"I didn't say we would be living in the mansion," he disproves. "I want you to find us a place –a nice place," he adds giving my kitchen a disdainful look. "You will have custody of me –so to speak and you will not leave me"

Until he raises his voice, I have no idea that he's angry. Now I can see it –he's tense, his movements are jerky. He's angry at me and I don't know how to calm him down. I don't know this side of him at all.

"You will sign the contract my mother will bring you and you will not run off when I want to see my friends. You will not leave me in the care of some doctor who doesn't give a shit about me. You will keep your promise." He is breathing hard by the time he's done.

"I'm sorry," I finally say. It's long overdue and I didn't think it would affect him this way.

"You will do it," he growls obviously misunderstanding my apology. I want to go to him but hold myself back. I nod in acquiescence. He leaves

0

I spend the day looking for an apartment. I spend a lot of days looking for an apartment but the brokers won't show me the high end stuff after they've seen me once. Keigo's mother comes to me with a solution after almost three weeks. She brings the contract.

She is not happy with what Atobe wanted –what he wants. She gives me the keys to a house she owns near the park. I don't have to worry about Atobe disapproving even though I haven't seen it. I sign the contract and she tells me that she will kill me if I repeat what I did in Hokkaido. I understand.

I go see the house and it's classy and pretty –not my style but Atobe can be… you know. The frilly curtains have to go though. It has two bedrooms and a living room and a room that will not be a study when I'm done with it. There is a kitchen –obviously and a garden out back with gardeny things.

I move my things in that week and change what has to be changed. I set up the city in the former study and vow to fix the buildings that were crushed last time. Then I wait –all day for three days for Keigo to arrive. His mother said she'd bring him and she does.

He is fidgeting again and tugging at his hair when they come. I try to approach him but he shifts nervously and starts whining. It stops when I stop. I watch in shock as he goes off on his own.

"He will come around," his mother assures me. I wonder at that. She introduces the trio that will come in and do the housekeeping. I am more concerned with where Keigo is and how he doesn't want to be near me. I walk off –it's rude but I can't care at the moment.

I find Keigo in the 'city room' playing with the cat. I should get a few more. I approach and ruffle his hair. He freezes but doesn't move away and I settle down behind him and lean against his back. I probably crush some buildings under my butt but who cares about that?

I wrap my arms around his waist and listen to his heart beat. He resumes his play or whatever you would call it. At some point the others leave and it starts to get dark. I lead him to the kitchen and watch him eat. Then I take him to bed and I can't leave that night.

We quickly develop a pattern that involves a bath, food, the park, eating and finally falling asleep in the same bed. I lie awake and stare at his sleeping face some nights. I cannot imagine not being with him.

Not everyone is happy with it. My dad sulks about the decreasing possibility of having a daughter in law or grandkids. My mom won't even talk to me. Momo is livid. He had just lined this date up for me and has to explain that I'm not available. He's dating the girl's sister.

I do not envy him. I have my cat


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

****This story doesn't have a lot of detail in some places because it's a form of writing therapy. I am trying to develop a freer writing style where I let the story write itself without wracking my brains about it. Everything I write in this story is not edited (except for grammatical errors) and I have to make it work. You should try it some time.

* * *

I go to a reunion type thing with my former teammates –the regulars obviously. I bring Keigo and it only makes everything more awkward than it usually is. It's bad enough that I make them uncomfortable with my lost talents. Having Keigo there… I hate how they look at him –the pity.

He doesn't notice the looks anyway. He's excited today and won't sit still. He won't leave my side either so he sometimes pulls me away from the table to explore.

We are at Tezuka-buchou's house –yeah, he owns a house. He should seeing how he's doing so well. He also has a girlfriend if you can believe it. I can't imagine what they talk about. I've met her; pretty and kind of an airhead.

Momo is acting alright given that he's mad about my decision to live with my work.

Eiji keeps darting glances at everyone like he wants to say something but is hoping someone else says it first.

Fuji is being Fuji

Tezuka as can be expected is being Tezuka… except for the fact that he hasn't looked at Keigo since we arrived. I think he's disturbed by all this.

Kaidoh is glaring at Momo and Oishi is trying to distract him though that isn't working too well at the moment.

Taka is smiling at me. It's creeping me out.

I look at Keigo's plate and he hasn't bothered to touch the food. He ate before we left home but I thought he might try some. He's looking over the back of his chair at something in the door.

"Keigo," I call as he leans over to get a better view. I worry that he might fall out of the chair. He turns to me and smiles happily. I ruffle his hair and let him do as he wants. When I turn back to my food, all their eyes are on me.

"Is he always like that?" Eiji finally asks and his eyes follow Keigo's progress out of his chair and towards the door. I give my ward a cursory glance then turn back to Eiji.

"Like what?" I ask just to be difficult

"Retarded," Momo says thoughtlessly. The room is quiet and before I can lose my temper and maim my best friend, my vision is blocked by a furry creature Keigo is dangling in my face. To his credit, he's holding it under the arms so it's not trying to scratch my eyes out. I think its butt is in my plate though.

It's a beautiful cat –grey with darker stripes. It's also heavy as I find out when Keigo drops it in my lap. He's very happy with himself and I can't get mad even when I feel soup sip into my pants.

"It's a beautiful cat," I tell him and he holds out his hands for me to give it back. I give it back. There's a wet patch on my thigh. Something occurs to me and I look at our former captain. "I didn't know you liked cats"

"I don't," he tells me flatly.

"Is he always like that?" Eiji asks again. I don't know where he gets the courage because now that he has reminded me about what my ass of a best friend said, I'm getting pissed.

"He's not retarded," I bite back

"I didn't mean that," he's quick to correct. "He's like a child and I just wondered if maybe he's normal sometimes."

"What he means to say is that he's not such a narcissistic bastard anymore," Fuji adds before I can think to attack his best friend.

I look from one to the other and Eiji looks confused –he probably doesn't realize that he said something wrong. I sigh and answer so we can get back to the reason we're here.

We are discussing Tezuka's win, and though I say that, I am not actually participating because I didn't see the match and don't particularly care whether he's moved up in the ranks or not. I feel out of place.

Fuji turns and says something to me but it's lost in the background when a shriek resounds from somewhere nearby followed by a cat hissing.

I am out of my seat and through the door in a flash. My heart beats wildly and I imagine all the worst scenarios I can come upon but thankfully, it's not so bad. Keigo is on the floor and pulling on his brown locks. I thought we had cured him of that.

There are small beads of blood on the back of one of his hands and I make out scratch marks as well. I pull his hands from his hair and look at the wounds. They don't look that bad but i need to dress them anyway. I ask for a first aid kit and Tezuka brings one.

I disinfect and put a band aid over the scratches. He is whining. I put my arms around him and rock until he's quiet. I can tell that he's tired. I call for the car and take him home. I don't care that they were all watching throughout. I hope Atobe never finds out though.

00

Shock of all shocks –Atobe 'dropped in' unexpectedly three days after the Tezuka cat incident. He was not happy about the scratches but that's not the surprise. The first thing he told me after breakfast was that he wanted to get laid. He was humping my leg when I woke up so, hardly surprising.

Here comes the shocker – he wanted me to go out and find him someone to… you know what he wanted. I'm not a pimp or some sex-manager or whatever! Why would he ask me to do something like that?

I was mad for about five minutes when it occurred to me how uncomfortable I would be in his shoes. He was probably a virgin and if not then it'd at least been a while since he did anything with someone else. I couldn't believe I was going to do it.

I called Oshitari and he set everything up –a woman came to the house and Atobe led her into our room and had a great time. She left after about an hour and I rushed into the room to find him asleep between the covers. I was happy for him. I remembered that it had been a while for me as well but I didn't plan to do anything about it.

Oshitari came by in the evening but Atobe was gone. Keigo was napping in the sofa. He must have worn himself out. Oshitari laughed when I said that and left.

I moved all our things into the other room. Sleeping in that bed after what Atobe had done in it made me uncomfortable. For some reason, he clung to me tighter than usual as we slept.

I prayed I wouldn't have to go through something like that again.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis

* * *

The next morning I wake up and Keigo is whining besides me and tugging at something below the sheets. I pull away the covers to see what's going on and he's tugging at his pants or more specifically, the erection in his pants. I have two thoughts in that moment: he's going to tear it off and I'm going to kill Atobe.

His desperation is so pathetic when I think about it. He probably has no idea what is happening or why it hurts or rather feels so good. He begins to cry and I take pity on him. I pull him closer and hold him in what I feel is a comforting embrace.

He tries to pull away until I rub my thigh against his crotch which has him pressing closer to me and crying louder. I feel his tears on my neck. I keep moving my thigh until it is wet with his sperm. The crying goes on for some time. He falls asleep in my arms.

I clean him up and appreciate that he trimmed the bush yesterday. I don't like doing it though it is part of my job. He wakes up just before lunch and we spend the day at the park.

His mother wants us to go over for a week-long visit and I pray the incident from this morning is not repeated.

0

Way to be wrong; I wake up and he's humping me again. It's the third time this week and I am about ready to snap his dick off. I can't bring myself to think it while looking at him though. He's clearly enjoying himself. I hope he won't go to sleep when he's done. His mother will not be happy. She likes to have tea with him in the morning.

He makes this half-sigh half-whine sound and I get concerned because it is taking so long. I take matters into my own hands –literally. It doesn't take a minute before he's convulsing and then going limp. He smiles tiredly –at me. When did I get comfortable enough to get him off?

It haunts me at random moments throughout the day. I gave Keigo an orgasm with my hand. I should be screaming in denial but I seem to be taking it in stride. This unsettles me. By nightfall, I'm too uncomfortable to sleep with him.

The next morning he has retreated into himself and will not respond to me. If I try to make him do something he starts to get violent. I leave him alone until he has to eat. He refuses to eat. It's a while since he bit me so I give up when the pain becomes too much. I yank his hair to get him to release my arm. It's instinct. He doesn't know that.

I haven't hurt Keigo in a long time until now. His eyes pool with tears and he rubs the top of his head. I move to comfort him but he shrinks away and begins sobbing. It's painful to see. I leave the room before I start crying. His mother leaves as soon as she sees the mood he's in

I sleep alone again and wake up much earlier than I normally do. I sneak into the room he's sleeping in and slip into bed beside him. I watch him sleep for almost an hour. He stirs and I brace myself for the worst. His eyes are intelligent when they open and he raises a brow at me.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asks

"It's nothing," I reply and get out of his bed. "It's been just over a week." I sound hopeful even to my own ears. I can't help but wish that it means he's getting better.

"I want to have sex," he says frankly as he also leaves the bed and stretches.

"Your mother will be here soon –she's in Japan for a short time so spend as much time as you can with her." I don't mean to sound bossy but I can't pimp for him while his mother is visiting.

"Are you suggesting I masturbate?" he sneers. I laugh at how offended he is. His eyes narrow and his brain is probably calculating what that means. "What did you do?"

"Not much," I chuckle. "You are to blame anyway –awaking your sexual appetites like that. You were humping against me almost every morning and I only helped once when you were taking your time."

"You masturbated me?" he asks with a raised voice.

"Yeah –so?"

"I don't think I'll ever be able to have sex again"

He's being melodramatic. I shrug and leave him to his morning routine. He will not remember any of it the next time he shows up. I see his mother in the garden as I head to the kitchen. After I have breakfast I join her and suggest that she take Atobe out somewhere.

She is skeptical. Atobe appears at the door and asks where I put his 'normal' clothes. I tell him they were too ugly to keep and he scoffs. Across from me, his mother stands and takes a step towards the house. Atobe covers the rest of the distance and embraces her.

I tell them I'll be visiting my dad for the day and leave.

No one is home and I wonder what I'm going to do with my day. I call Momo and arrange to have lunch with him. I have three hours to kill and I aimlessly walk around the mall, looking through windows at the displays.

There is nothing interesting and I head back home before an hour elapses. As luck would have it, Atobe and his mother have left. I gather the boxes I've been collecting and lock myself in the city room. I work on some new buildings until Momo calls me to complain about how late I am.

0

Momo is staring at me as I dig into my third burger and I keep ignoring him. Whatever his little brain is thinking up is going to be worthless anyway.

"You're sleeping with him," he declares. "I can't believe you would do that -that's sick!"

I choke after the first part and cough violently as I try not to think about what he just said.

"Shit Echizen are you alright?" He is behind me in a flash thumping on my back. That helps. I drink from my shake and wipe the tears from my eyes. "Sorry man"

"Why would you say something that dumb?" I ask hoarsely

"You have that 'I got laid' look and I know you're not getting any so either you're not telling me something or you can't tell me something." He stops and fixes a thoughtful look on his face and it just looks wrong. "I figure you're sleeping with him and that is just nasty –he's retarded."

"If you say he's retarded one more time I will punch you so hard, you will be out for three days." I am pissed. "And my left hand is perfectly alright so don't make assumptions."

"I don't want to know what hand you jerk with," he cries with a look of disgust. "Aaaaahh, I'm never going near that hand again."

Just to be mean I tell him I switch hands whenever I want. It's funny watching him try to un-hear what I just said. He has to get back to work so I stay at the restaurant by myself. I take my time finishing my food and return home.

I shut myself in the city room and get back to work. I hear when Atobe comes back and I also hear Oshitari and someone else. I stay with my buildings.

"I thought you went home," Atobe asks from the door which I didn't hear open because I was so engrossed in gluing paper to a box.

"No one was home," I reply and go on with my gluing.

"What are you doing?" He steps into the room and I turn to look at him this time. He has on dress pants and a button down shirt. They probably passed by the mansion because those clothes hadn't been in the closet.

"Are you ignoring me?" he asks when I do not answer. It's pretty obvious what I'm doing and I say so. "Why are you making all this?" he asks instead.

"Because you like it"

He lingers for a few minutes then I hear him leave. I wonder what he wanted and because providing whatever he needs has become second nature to me, I put the box down and go look for him.

"I thought I heard Oshitari," I say as I join him on the sofa.

"He has a lot of work to get done so he left." He doesn't look at me and I wonder if he's trying to ignore me. "Jirou was also here but he left too."

"Do you need something?" I ask. He continues to stare at the table. "Are you hungry?"

"Everyone else is making something of themselves and I just play with boxes all day," he says and meets my eyes. He's bothered by whatever he's thinking. His eyes are glassy. It looks wrong on him.

"It can't be helped," I tell him. There is no way to comfort someone in this situation.

"I don't want to be like this." He runs his hands through his hair and out of habit I reach out and pull them down. He looks at me quizzically.

"You try to tug it out when you're frustrated or nervous," I explain.

"What am I like when I'm not me?" he asks in low tones.

I think for a while and wonder how to express the wonder he inspires in me when he's not all there. A wistful smile tugs at my lips. "You are sweet and cuddly and loving," I tell him with a smile. "Sometimes you are angry and violent but that's usually when you're about to show up." He doesn't look happy. "You didn't ask for this and I don't know what to tell you."

"I hate this," he confesses. "I don't want to live like this."

We lapse into silence. I worry about what he's trying to tell me. I try to understand what he's feeling. "I love you," I tell him and leave him to his thoughts.

He comes to my bed at night and silently lies beside me. "I want this to be over," he whispers as I begin to dose off. That has me awake in a flash.

"Don't talk like that," I beg and wrap an arm around his waist. "I'm not much but at least you've got me."

He doesn't respond and eventually I fall asleep.

I wake up alone and after checking the whole house and asking the helpers I panic. I call his mother and Oshitari but they haven't seen him. I go out to the park and my old apartment and every other place I have ever gone with him. It is late afternoon by the time I get back home and he's still not back.

Dread takes over my heart. I feel cold and before I head out again I hear my phone ring from the coffee table. My dad is calling. I am tempted to ignore it but something makes me answer.

"Ryoma, I have been calling for hours," he speaks exasperatedly. "You friend has been here since this morning and I thought you might want to know. He won't go home."

I feel relief engulf me and I collapse in a chair. "I'll come pick him up now"

When I walk into the gate, Atobe is on the porch next to my father and I run up to him and wrap my arms around his waist. I bury my head in his chest and squeeze as close as I can. "I looked for you everywhere," I cry into his shirt. "Why did you just take off?"

"I needed to talk to your parents," he explains and rubs my shoulder. "I didn't mean to make you worry."

I let go and punch him in the stomach. "That's what you get for making me worry," I say and turn to my father who was watching amusedly. "What are you smiling about?"

"It's good to see you so lively," my dad laughs and I snort. I grab Atobe's hand and pull him the way I came. We are almost halfway home when it occurs to me to ask what time he'd left. He just shakes his head at me.

"What did you need to see my dad for?" I ask suspiciously

He smiles

0

It surprises me that he lasts two weeks. We all don't know why. His mother gets him to see the doctor who can't tell us why. He spends half the time with his father, doing what he would have been doing if the accident hadn't happened. I spend the time in the car; just in case he reverts while with his father, I am to take him back home.

He is insulted by my presence in the car. His dad still pays my salary though.

It doesn't happen in the office building. It's when I am watching television in the sofa. He comes and lies down with his head in my lap. I don't pay it any mind and absently run my hand through his hair. He turns and rubs his face in my shirt –that's when I know.

I'm happy that my cat is back but then I can't wait to see Atobe again.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis

* * *

I can't think straight right now. It hasn't even been two weeks since Atobe was himself and we're back in the hospital. They're going to drill a hole in his skull and I fear he won't be the same. Of course he won't –not with a new hole in his head but you know what I meant.

He was fine for a few days then he withdrew from me and got moody. I thought he was frustrated as usual but he didn't fight me or bite me –he just cried and clawed at his skin. It scared me that he was doing it and crying.

I tried to reach his parents to ask if it had happened before but I didn't get through. After two hours of trying to keep him from harming his body while hoping he would just stop trying, I called his doctor. The doctor asked me to bring him in and I did and it wasn't good.

Somehow, his parents were suddenly available and they wouldn't tell me what was wrong; the doctor couldn't because I wasn't family. All they told me was that they were going to drill a hole in his skull today to let some pressure out. I don't know where the pressure came from or if I could have brought him in earlier and we could have avoided this.

I know I'm not the only one thinking it –it doesn't sound safe to drill holes into people's brains. They could kill him and then where would I be. They wouldn't even let me see him after I brought him in and his parents were called. I hadn't seen him for a week and I came and sat in the waiting room every day.

I'm sick to my stomach right now. This drilling thing cannot go wrong. It just can't. God owes me that much.

0

They won't let me see him. They won't let me in his room or tell me anything that's going on. The surgery was days ago and I still don't know how it went or what it was for exactly.

I am standing right outside the door when the doctor comes out and I push past quickly and stop a few steps into the room. Keigo is lifelessly staring at the wall and he doesn't even turn when I enter. I feel a hand wrap around my upper arm and tug me back out of the room.

"Keigo," I whisper so I don't startle him though it is at odds with the way I'm being pulled away. His eyes shift towards me and I see the beginning of a smile as the doctor succeeds in getting me out of there. I haven't even spent a minute with him.

"Mr. Echizen you are putting my patient's health at risk and I will have you removed from the hospital if you do something like that again." The doctor is wearing a severe frown and a feeling of hate so pure surges within me.

"Let me see him," I growl, reaching for the door handle only to have my hand arrested before it makes contact. "You won't even tell me if he's okay."

"I am sorry but you are not family," he apologizes and he does seem genuine. My anger dissipates and in its place I feel myself despairing.

"I just need to know that he's fine," I plead.

The doctor sighs and glances at the room door before inviting me to walk with him. "All I can tell you is that he is recovering as well as can be expected and that excitement can affect the progress he is making so far." He stops and so do I. "Please give him time to heal."

He leaves me standing there – at the elevator doors. He probably thinks I will take the hint but I'm nothing but stubborn where my interests are concerned. Now I know he's okay, there is no way I'm leaving early. Time will go faster if I am close to him –I convince myself of this.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

* * *

His mother calls me the day he's being discharged and say's they will be taking him to Hokkaido for a few weeks but he will be back with me in no time. I am unsettled. Why are they keeping him away from me? I try to talk her into letting him spend one day with me but she says that plans have already been made.

The next three weeks are a nightmare. I barely eat and even though I try to keep busy with friends and family, I am almost always thinking of Keigo and when I will see him again. The nights are particularly bad. The bed is too big and in my dreams bad things are happening to Keigo but I cannot get to him. I always wake up in a panic.

I sleep in the day his mother brings him back. I tried to stay awake all night so I would not dream and fell asleep as the sun was rising. I find out later that they come at about midday. I am still sleeping. All I know is that when I wake up, Keigo is in the bed beside me staring at my face.

His smile is the first thing I see when I wake up. I'm sure I would find it creepy if it wasn't him. As it is, I am so overjoyed to see him that I scoot closer and hug him until my bladder complains too much and I have to go relieve myself.

I cannot help but feel that he's different than before. He listens to everything I say now though he used to ignore most of it. He sometimes tenses when I touch him and pet his hair instead of melting into my touches. Most of all though, he's always smiling at me; his smile is wide and even though he should be tired, he's still smiling.

It's on the third day that I finally find out why he's so different. He is watching television and I am watching him. He looks at me and smiles and I catch it. His eyes don't have a hint of blankness in them.

"Atobe," I whisper in shock. "It's been you the whole time."

He looks surprised for a moment then he drops the act.

"I didn't want to just leave after everything you've done for me so I thought I would give you one week with him and then I would be magically healed and …" He trails off and I just sit frozen, staring at him.

"When?"

"After the surgery I kept getting better and better –I needed some time to think so I asked mom to take me to Hokkaido."

He asked to go. They hadn't taken him from me and kept him from me; he wanted it.

"What are you going to do?" I ask quietly.

"Finish school and start working for my father"

I cannot look at him anymore and turn to the floor. I feel him wrap his arms around me and rock me from side to side like I did for him so many times when he was upset. I realize that I'm crying and I cannot stop. I wear myself out.

0

I move back home with my father the next day. Atobe asks me to wait until the week is over but I know it will only hurt more staying when I know that it's all going to change after a few days so I leave. My dad is sad for me but also relieved that I won't be a nursemaid for the rest of my life.

I go to the park the next day and wonder what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

As I stare unseeingly at the grass, someone sits beside me and leans their head on my shoulder. I know who it is without even turning.

"What are you doing here?" I ask

"A part of me loves you so blindly that I find myself longing to be where you are –I had to see you"

"You can't do that while you study," I admonish

"I know that which is why I want to ask you to give me two days every month so I can satisfy that part of me," he explains.

"You could just ignore that urge until it died out"

"I can no more do that than you can take back your promise to love me forever."

He is right and I cannot think of any other reason to deny him so I give him two days a month and hope that it will be enough for me.


End file.
